Jokes

[nascarbabe]

A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it was his turn, pulls out a gun and robs the bank!
Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank
The customer replies, "Well, Yes I did!!
The bank robber raises his gun and shoots the man dead.
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did you see me rob the bank?"
The man calmly responds, "No, but my wife did!"

[nascarbabe]

Viagra for elders
A little old man totters into a chemist to buy some Viagra.

' Can I have 6 tablets please and I want each one of them cut into quarters '

The chemist says ' I can do that sir, but a quarter will not give you a full erection'.

' I am 96 years old and don't have much use for an erection. I just want it sticking out a little bit so I don't piss on my slippers'.

[nascarbabe]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories.

"Tony, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot
in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a
survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't
break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.
She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did
your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's drinking!!!!!!

[ndirish620]

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had Syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?


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If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

[ndirish620]

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?

Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
College and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.


Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
Occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?




















Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.


I sure hoped you didn't pick Hitler